I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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