hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I need to stop coming to work sober
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
