It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
