brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
