I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
