I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
