I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
