im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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