i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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