I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
