omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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