I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
