so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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