what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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