I will die if light touches me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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