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He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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