I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
