nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
