This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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