It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
