i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
