trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
