So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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