so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
