oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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