What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
