When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
