just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
