i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just googled if crying burns calories
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
