I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
