Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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