he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
