If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
