I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This girl is more easily done than said...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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