I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
