I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
