the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
