I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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