the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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