So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Randomize
