I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
