6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
