Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
