Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think my moral compass just broke
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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