We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
