I wish I could punch you in the face.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
