Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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