i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
even my farts smell like vagina
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I supernannyed him into submission
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
