I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
