I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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