So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
either way he was missing a nipple.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
