Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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