my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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