Do you still have your period?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
