I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
