Someone shit on the floor
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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