I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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