it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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