Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
