oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
