just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
