i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
