in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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