Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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