Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
