at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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