At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
