Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
