your thong is hanging out like whoa
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
